Big feelings

Sometimes big feelings hit you with a ton of bricks.  This is one of those days.  I'm flooded with huge emotions and the roller coaster isn't giving me a break.  I call it a roller coaster, but there are a lot more downs than ups.  I don't know if it is homesickness, cold medicine, or what, but everything is just really intense right now. 

A dear friend of mine emailed me recently and asked if I had any English speaking friends over here.  While some of my Japanese friends do speak English, I don't have any native English speaking friends.  While it shouldn't make a difference, it really does.  When you have a friend who comes from the same place as you, there is a different type of bond.  A bond of commonality.  They tend to look at you for you and less at you for being special or unique.  There is (maybe) less explanations needed for everyday actions.  After 5 months of being here, I am lonely.  And it is really, really hard.  I am so fortunate to have my family here with me.  My boys are incredible and I couldn't imagine life without them.  But they aren't girlfriends.  That is for sure!

There are times that I like the solitude.  Especially as I am thinking about life and am overwhelmed with living here.  I can't wait to start gardening once the weather turns, which is a different type of welcomed solitude. 

I feel horrible for having these feelings, because the park moms are so great.  They have welcomed me with open arms and have been so kind.  Yet, there is a language barrier that just really impedes our relationship.  We're still in the "everything is great all the time" phase.  And as awesome as things are, they aren't that way all the time. 

Part of these crazy feelings (or feeling like I'm crazy) are from the meeting at my son's school this morning.  I really felt like "why am I even here?"  My husband (bless him) worked from home today so he could get the information first hand and translate any necessary information.  He was the only dad there.  Luckily, things like that don't bother him.  But I kept thinking, what is MY role here?  Am I ever going to be able to be the contact person here?  This is for my son and it is important.  Yet, I am not sure where I fit in.

I don't really have any point today.  I'm just struggling and that is part of living in a foreign country.  Isolation is one of the hardest parts of moving anywhere.  It is just exacerbated by not speaking the language.

I need a nap.  And a hug.  But what I really need is a good night out with my favorite people in the world.  The ones that have known me for years and love me during emotional roller coasters - both the highs and the lows.

I'm sick

My head hurts.  I can't stop coughing.  My sneezes leave me feeling empty.  Ugh.  I hate being sick.  Luckily a dear friend shipped me Puffs with lotion, otherwise I don't know what I would do right now.

I have even succumbed to wearing a mask in public.  My son loves to wear masks.  He thinks it is like playing dress up.  He especially likes to buy the masks with characters on it.  I did find some for night time with moisture inserts so you don't wake up with super dry mouth/throat.  I hate wearing these masks.  They are a cultural norm here.  Many people wear them even when they aren't sick, just in case someone else that they are around is sick.  I've heard that some women wear them when they don't want to put on makeup.  I've never had that problem, since I rarely wear makeup.

I have been suffering for days and I am sick of being sick.  Thank goodness I brought Nyquil with me from the states.  Otherwise, I don't think I'd make it through the night. 

Strawberries!

I can hardly believe it, but it is strawberry season in Japan!  My understanding is that strawberries are mainly grown in green houses here, but the timing is still so strange to me.  I'm always so excited for strawberry season.  I grew several varieties in my garden in the US so that I could enjoy them as long as possible.  Of course, most of them never made it into our house!  Between my son, my husband, myself, and birds, they really didn't have a chance.  It didn't matter how many plants I had.  Sometimes we would put them in a bowl to pretend like they were going to make it, but then we'd sit on the steps and eat all the sun kissed fruit.

The are prominently displayed in grocery stores all over.  The large berries (Japanese opinion regarding strawberries most commonly is "bigger is better") are laid out in a single layer on a plastic tray with a thin layer of Styrofoam under the delicate berries, and covered with another layer of plastic.  They definitely love their wrapping.  Frankly, I've never seen a display of damaged fruit here, and the wrapping gets all the credit. 

Once you get over the wrapping situation, you might notice that there is always tubes of sweetened condensed milk next to the strawberries.  This is because one of the most popular ways to eat fresh strawberries isn't with whipped cream.  It is with a little squeeze of sweetened condensed milk on it.  When we had fresh strawberries with my husband's family one year, they were aghast that I didn't want any of the added sugar.  I often baffled them, but this was really hard for them to understand.

While I am enjoying eating (way too many) strawberries in January, they still can't compare to homegrown, sun kissed berries.  Maybe I'll have to splurge for one of the berries that my husband saw at the store today - ¥1,000 ($9.20) for one strawberry.  Of course, more expensive doesn't always mean better, so I'll probably just resolve to grow a pot of them on my porch instead.

A turtle with surprises

It's no secret that I love bread.  I bake it at home and I also support many local bakeries around here, as they are plentiful and delicious.  Back in the 80's it was really popular for pastry chefs to go to France to study baking.  The chefs would then return to Japan and open cake shops, bread shops, and pastry shops.  As time went on, they've added a lot of Japanese touches, specifically adding popular Japanese flavors such as matcha and adzuki beans. 

My family has always enjoyed cute shaped pastries, like the savory lion pastries and hermit crab chocolate cream pastry I've talked about before.  So, when we went to Boulangerie Ken and saw bread shaped turtles for sale, we had to get one!  I've been to this bakery before.  It is the one that sells the cream cheese filled bagels.

When you enter a bakery in Japan, you pick up a tray and tongs near the door.  You then wander through the store picking up whatever pastries you want with your tongs and put the goodie onto your tray.  At the counter, the staff put each item into a plastic bag for you (no boxes here). 

I enjoy hearty, dense bread, which is really hard to find here.  Japanese people tend to favor very lightweight white bread.  Finding wheat bread of any kind is pretty difficult.  When you do find wheat bread, it is still similar in texture to white bread.  This particular bakery is very different from most, where all of it's bread is very dense and hearty.  Just picking up the individual pastries and rolls at Boulangerie Ken, you can feel the difference in weight!

We didn't notice the turtles at first, as we were perusing the bagels and other carbs.  Suddenly, I spotted it and my tongs went right for it.  When I picked that sucker up, he was heavy!  I almost dropped him because I wasn't prepared for the weight of him.  Soon our tray was filled with carbs, and we headed home.

The next morning, it was time to eat the turtle.  We knew the one turtle was enough to share between the three of us for breakfast.  My son kindly took a leg, but I ripped him in half.  Inside, we were quite surprised to find whole cashews!  The label had said it contained cashews, but we still weren't expecting this surprise!  He also had some sort of processed cheese inside.  The bread flavor was good, but I wasn't a fan of the whole cashews or cheese.  They just took it to a level of weird that is hard to explain.  The nuts had softened quite a bit in the baking process and the cheese just wasn't my taste. 

When buying bread here, there are a lot of hits and misses.  I would say it is 90% yummy and 10% "what am I eating?"  It is always an adventure.  You never really know what you're going to bite into.

The best scones ever

Just over 5 years ago, my husband and I were visiting Japan.  We were having a nice visit with his parents and seeing friends.  It had been an interesting trip, with visits to visit several places that were important to my husband's family.  At one point we went to a brand new shopping mall.  We enjoyed looking at the beautiful shops, especially the basement floor which was filled with gorgeous displays of food.  One place that I spotted was a scone shop.  I wanted them, my husband pointed to all the other things we had purchased that day.  So, we walked away from the shop without the scones.

That night, I dreamt about those scones.  When I woke up, I was determined to go back and get those scones.  I hopped out of the futon (we always slept in his parent's tatami room) and told him my plan.  He smiled and said "that would be a great plan, except that it is  Tuesday and they are closed on Tuesdays."  My face quickly crumbled and I started crying.  Really, really crying.  My husband wrapped his arms around me in a big hug and closed the sliding paper door between us and his father.  While trying not to laugh, he said "I think we need to buy that pregnancy test now."  I shook my tear streaked head while he added "after we buy you those scones."

That test was positive and they were the best scones I have ever eaten.  And now every time we have scones, my husband and I smile at each other with a shared special memory.

Today, my husband and son went out to go to the electronics store.  When they returned, they surprised me with scones from a shop my son spotted.  He asked Otousan (daddy) if they could please get them.  They bought a variety pack with one of each of the four flavors offered at he shop - plain, tea, maple, and currant.  As soon as I saw them, I exclaimed "these are the famous pregnancy scones!" 

My husband rolled his eyes and commented "sure, sure."  But then decided to look it up.  He quickly found out that I was right!  They are the same scones!  Not only do I love being right, I also love delectable British scones.

Delightful dango

Dango is a dessert made with mochiko, a sweet rice flour.  The flour is made into a dough, rolled into balls (usually 3 or 5) and put onto a skewer.  Dango is often covered with mitarashi, a sweet sauce made from soy sauce, sugar, and starch.  Other popular types includes kinako (dusted with toasted soy flour), anko (smothered in red bean paste), and yaki dango (grilled).  It is a very popular treat.

It is soft, chewy, and good both warm or cold.  We tried making it once and it wasn't an epic failure.  It also wasn't really a success.  Good dango is has a very smooth consistency. 

Tonight my husband brought some home for dessert.  There was a pop up shop in the department store on his way home.  He chose two flavors: mitarashi and kinako over mitarashi. 

As I took a bite of the kinako/mitarashi dango, I inhaled the flour.  Coughing ensued and my family laughed at my rookie mistake.  You should never breath in or out near kinako as it will either choke you from the dust hitting the back of your throat or get everywhere. 

Despite the coughing fit, the dango was very delicious and appreciated. 

The snow lingers

I can't believe the snow is still around.  The streets are mostly clear, as are the sidewalks.  I say mostly because we will be walking down a cleared path when suddenly there will be a thick sheet of ice.  It isn't even "this part is in the sun while that part is in the shade" or "here is the end of my property line" type thing.  It appears to be more of an "I was working and the clock struck 4 pm, so I went home" mentality.  It really is strange as there seems to be no rhyme or reason.  The cleared path will start up again in 15-30 feet later.  We are still abstaining from using our bicycles as we don't feel it is safe to ride.  We saw two accidents today, both with bicycles hitting a patch of ice and wiping out.  Never a pretty picture.

I love this house in my neighborhood. 

The icicles forming are a great addition.

We still go to the park and meet friends to play in the snow.  I bring warm things to drink and my son brings his energy and excitement.  Several of the kids bring sleds and there is even a pair of little plastic skis that someone brings to share.  Now that the snow has a thin crust on it, the kids are much more interested in sledding than making snowmen. 

I noticed today there was a lot more bickering on the slopes than usual.  Feelings were periodically hurt and sometimes tears were shed.  In general, at this age, I try not to step in every time there is a dispute or mean words thrown around.  I tend to talk to my son at different times to assess his feelings and give him suggestions on ways to handle these situations.  But I find it hard not to intercede when one kid goes stomping away in tears or when fists come out. 

As time goes on, I am finding the language barrier increasingly difficult.  For the most part, I have learned to shut off my brain to chit chat that doesn't involve me.  When I'm included in the conversation, I'm fully invested and working on understanding as well as participating in either  English or Japanese.  But otherwise, I tend to tune it out.  But tuning conversations and interactions out does not help with language development.  And when kids, especially, want to share something with me - whether happy or otherwise - I feel horrible that I have no idea what they are saying.  They tend to speak faster and slur words, which makes it really difficult.  It's interesting that I feel like an outsider around children more often than around adults.  I often wonder if they think I am an idiot.  I don't let this thought affect my self esteem.  It is just a curious mind wanting to know what a child thinks. 

The easy answer is to spend more time studying Japanese.  I struggle to find time to study while caring for my son all day.  Even when playing at the park, I hesitate to bring books and make myself a spectacle or totally disengage with everyone I'm sitting around.  By the end the day, I'm too exhausted to cram my brain with new information.  In college, I always took the 8 am courses because I learn best in the morning hours.  I've also always been the first to bed in my family.  I just fade as the day goes on. 

I've been looking forward to my son starting school so I can begin to exercise regularly, be more on top of my cooking/cleaning, and take Japanese lessons.  Today, we had a meeting at the kindergarten where he had to try on the uniform to see what size we wanted to purchase.  I had to bite my lip to not tear up.  He's growing up so fast!  My heart is so torn.  I'm looking forward to some "putting myself first" time, but I'm also going to miss the living daylights out of him.  I want time to slow down and speed up at the same time.  Of course, I've felt this way many times throughout motherhood.

Tonight, I'm looking out at the lingering snow and enjoying the permanence of it.  The little hats on the bushes are especially enjoyable.  The snow has been fun to have around this week, as it gave my son and me another adventure and challenge.  But it also has my mind whirling about life and the chaos of it all.

Tokyo Police Museum

While out and about, I like to find interesting things to do with my son.  Whether living in a "foreign land" or somewhere you've lived for years, there are always new things to see and explore.  One of my favorites is finding quirky museums.  We've already toured the Fire Museum.  Recently, I learned about the Police Museum.

The museum was easy to spot by the big words "Police Museum" seen on front of the building in English letters.  As a matter of fact, everything had English translations, which made the entire experience much more interesting for us.  There is also a police car parked right in front.  Once inside, there is a police helicopter to climb into and a motorcycle to hop on as well. 

After enjoying some time on various vehicles, we wandered upstairs to learn how the community police help people in the community.  One of the best exhibits was a big TV that showed a short animation of a man walking up to a child and asking to take photos of her.  The girl ran home and her mom helped her to call the police to report the incident.  My son talked on the phone to the operator and answered their questions about what happened.  The whole thing was really neat.  He was so proud of himself when he answered questions correctly.  When he was wrong, they simply explained the correct answer. 

The third floor focused on various police departments.  It had a koban (police box) that upon entering a video started playing to demonstrate some of the many tasks that community police officers do on a daily basis.  We enjoyed seeing them tackle problems like tending to an accident, taking a report for a found purse, and helping a lost child.  It also had a really neat investigative game where children had to match the footprint to the shoe.  The interactive exhibits were so great!

The other two floors covered history.  They were great to get a little glimpse of the police department in Japan.

While I don't think that the police in Japan are very different than police officers in most other countries.  Their job is to serve and protect.  But it was still nice to take my son to this museum and share their mission with him.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Tokyo is know for many quirky experiences, including themed restaurants.  I am a huge fan.  I blame my husband for my level of enjoyment.  Many years ago as we prepared for our honeymoon at Disney World, he wanted to go to character meals.  I was immediately hesitant.  "Aren't those just for kids?"  I asked.  He laughed and picked a couple character meals anyway.  After all, it was part of our meal package and he is never one to let a deal escape him.

Our first meal at Disney World was lunch at the Crystal Palace with Winnie the Pooh and friends.  We sat down and before we knew it, Eeyore came over to say hello.  He wrapped his arms around me in a hug and I melted.  I melted into a young child filled with joy and surrounded by softness.  I was transported into the fantasy world created by Disney Imagineers.  I then proceeded to beg for more character meals while my husband mocked me endlessly.  I've been hooked ever since.  It has only increased in intensity since having a child and wanting to share the experiences with him.

A few weeks ago one of the moms from the park told me about a new theme pop up restaurant in Ginza.  It is operated by the same restaurant (at a different location) that had the wonderful Shaun the Sheep restaurant we went to in October. 

Today, my son and I dined with The Very Hungry Caterpillar, from the beloved book by the same name written by the great Eric Carle.  The restaurant was nicely decorated with various images from the book.  We sat down to fun themed placemats and a stuffed caterpillar to play with while at the restaurant. 

Although we had already drooled over the menu online, we were excited to gaze at the menu in house.  My eager son asked if he could be the one to say "sumimasen" (excuse me) to get the waitress' attention (a social norm here that takes some getting used to - you must call out to get someone to pay attention to you at restaurants).  He placed our order with ease and a bit of pride, especially when the waitress complimented him. 

We enjoyed our themed meals - his kid's set of pasta and my omelet rice with curry.  We laughed at all the caterpillars throughout the restaurant.

Once done, my son wanted to take several photos, which I happily obliged.  Then he asked for dessert.  They had several options and he voted for the chocolate cake with strawberries.  The cake continued the theme with a hungry caterpillar and a hole in the strawberry.

We enjoyed our little date.  Nothing like having a book come to life for a child, and a grownup that enjoys children's literature. 

Let it snow in Tokyo!

The forecast said snow.  But I am from Seattle.  We don't believe the forecast.  It is usually wrong.  So when it started falling at 10 am, my son rushed outside in his pajamas to catch some snowflakes on his tongue.  I believe in the old homage "if I don't have anywhere to go, let it snow!!!"

The first little bit was more like soft hail.

My son and I only had one place to go today and that was to the park to play.  So, we were thrilled to get out and play in the fluffy white stuff.  As the day progressed, it continued to fall. 

The children that we play with each day were delighted.  They built snowmen and went sledding.  We walked through the trees and enjoyed the winter wonderland.

Although I didn't ride my bike, I didn't put it under cover either!  Guess I should be more trusting of the forecast!

By the end of the day, the snow was deep and expected to continue to fall until midnight.  Let it snow!

Ameyoko

When we don't have any plans, but want to get out of the house, the easiest thing to do is go shopping.  Living in such a huge city, there is always something new to see and do.  But shopping provides an bit of entertainment without the time commitment or any preparation.  While some shopping is much more exciting than other forms (I love to grocery shop, especially in grocery stores around the world, but hate clothes shopping), it is something to do on a quiet day.

Today we explored Ameyoko - a very famous shopping street.  Originally a street to buy candy and sweets, after World War 2 it was the place to find black market American items, specifically surplus American military goods.  Today we saw a lot of clothes, purses, cosmetics, fish, and spices.  There were tons of shoes and suitcases, too.

Many shopping streets are near train stations, as that is where lots of pedestrian traffic is.  This one was half under the train tracks.  On one side of the street all the businesses were tucked under the rails.  Surprisingly, you really can't hear the train.  Maybe the vast number of people already making so much noise it drowns out the train noise.

There are many open-air restaurants, where you buy food from a window and then eat in seats outside the kitchen.  Some were more restaurant-ish than others.  We decided to eat at a kebab at one of the several kebab places.  Although my husband wasn't really wanting a kebab, he agreed because they had one that they called "norimaki kebab."  Kebab meat and sauce (we swear it was thousand island), tucked in rice and wrapped in seaweed.  The food was just okay.  I guess we should have tried the next stand because that guy told me his kebab was the best in Tokyo.

We didn't buy much.  We found a shirt with a sumo wrestler on it for my son (who's sumo obsession is still going strong) and daifuku.  Daifuku is a traditional Japanese confection made with sweetened red bean paste, azuki, wrapped in mochi.  The shop had many flavors to try, like mango, green tea, black sesame, and more.  They even offered some with fresh strawberries.  We bought several sans strawberries and took them home to enjoy after dinner with strawberries we already had.  They were tasty, even though I think I prefer the traditional plain mochi with azuki. 

One thing I like about shopping in Japan is the many shopping streets you can find.  They are all open storefronts and have tons of merchandise right on the street.  Although there are plenty of malls, these shopping streets give you a bit of fresh air and more electric atmosphere.  It also just feels more "Japanese" for some reason.  Also many of these streets have themes, like the kitchen one we explored a while ago.  It makes it more fun for me.