The snow lingers

I can't believe the snow is still around.  The streets are mostly clear, as are the sidewalks.  I say mostly because we will be walking down a cleared path when suddenly there will be a thick sheet of ice.  It isn't even "this part is in the sun while that part is in the shade" or "here is the end of my property line" type thing.  It appears to be more of an "I was working and the clock struck 4 pm, so I went home" mentality.  It really is strange as there seems to be no rhyme or reason.  The cleared path will start up again in 15-30 feet later.  We are still abstaining from using our bicycles as we don't feel it is safe to ride.  We saw two accidents today, both with bicycles hitting a patch of ice and wiping out.  Never a pretty picture.

I love this house in my neighborhood. 

The icicles forming are a great addition.

We still go to the park and meet friends to play in the snow.  I bring warm things to drink and my son brings his energy and excitement.  Several of the kids bring sleds and there is even a pair of little plastic skis that someone brings to share.  Now that the snow has a thin crust on it, the kids are much more interested in sledding than making snowmen. 

I noticed today there was a lot more bickering on the slopes than usual.  Feelings were periodically hurt and sometimes tears were shed.  In general, at this age, I try not to step in every time there is a dispute or mean words thrown around.  I tend to talk to my son at different times to assess his feelings and give him suggestions on ways to handle these situations.  But I find it hard not to intercede when one kid goes stomping away in tears or when fists come out. 

As time goes on, I am finding the language barrier increasingly difficult.  For the most part, I have learned to shut off my brain to chit chat that doesn't involve me.  When I'm included in the conversation, I'm fully invested and working on understanding as well as participating in either  English or Japanese.  But otherwise, I tend to tune it out.  But tuning conversations and interactions out does not help with language development.  And when kids, especially, want to share something with me - whether happy or otherwise - I feel horrible that I have no idea what they are saying.  They tend to speak faster and slur words, which makes it really difficult.  It's interesting that I feel like an outsider around children more often than around adults.  I often wonder if they think I am an idiot.  I don't let this thought affect my self esteem.  It is just a curious mind wanting to know what a child thinks. 

The easy answer is to spend more time studying Japanese.  I struggle to find time to study while caring for my son all day.  Even when playing at the park, I hesitate to bring books and make myself a spectacle or totally disengage with everyone I'm sitting around.  By the end the day, I'm too exhausted to cram my brain with new information.  In college, I always took the 8 am courses because I learn best in the morning hours.  I've also always been the first to bed in my family.  I just fade as the day goes on. 

I've been looking forward to my son starting school so I can begin to exercise regularly, be more on top of my cooking/cleaning, and take Japanese lessons.  Today, we had a meeting at the kindergarten where he had to try on the uniform to see what size we wanted to purchase.  I had to bite my lip to not tear up.  He's growing up so fast!  My heart is so torn.  I'm looking forward to some "putting myself first" time, but I'm also going to miss the living daylights out of him.  I want time to slow down and speed up at the same time.  Of course, I've felt this way many times throughout motherhood.

Tonight, I'm looking out at the lingering snow and enjoying the permanence of it.  The little hats on the bushes are especially enjoyable.  The snow has been fun to have around this week, as it gave my son and me another adventure and challenge.  But it also has my mind whirling about life and the chaos of it all.