Rollercoaster of emotions

The days are filled with such intense emotions.  They are on constant movement, going up and down with such force it feels like I am suffering from whiplash at times.

My son woke me up as usual this morning.  It was super windy outside, so we decided to start our day with a dance party instead of our usual walk.  The awkward, non-rhythmic boogying left us giggling and considerably less stressed.  It felt good to laugh for a bit.

Soon afterwards, we proceeded with our daily schedule and I found myself getting stressed over silly stuff.  I actually yelled at my son.  I felt awful immediately, but it doesn't take back the fact that I did it.  I try not to be a yeller (I save it for emergencies because then he really pays attention), so it really bothered me.

We took a break and he FaceTimed with his cousin while I tried to reset my attitude.  When they were done talking, we took a walk.  I felt more centered and at ease.

All day it was up and down.  Each time I went negative, I thought about how lucky we are.  Tokyo isn't actually locked down.  My family isn't hiding from evil people, just germs.  We can still go to the store.  I still talk to my neighbor regularly, even if it is over our garden walls.

By the time the English news came on at 7:00, I was tired from the up and down from the day.  When they started showing images of New York and talking about what was going on there, I started crying.  I couldn't help it.  It is so scary and sad!  My son looked over at me and said "Oh, momma.  Don't cry!  Do you need a hug?"

I explained that I was really scared and sometimes that fear comes out in tears.

I'm tired.  I'm super tired, and things are just now really rearing its ugly head over here.  Although we've been dealing with Covid-19 in Japan since the end of January, the fear just increases as do the number of those diagnosed.

I'm not really fearful for myself.  I'm fearful for my son and the world he will live his life in.  There is so much unknown right now.  I wish I could talk to my grandparents about big events they have lived through over the years and things they did to help them overcome.  I know, logically, we will weather this storm, but what that exactly entails, no one knows.