Where are you from?

I meet new people all the time.  It is part of moving to a new place and not knowing many people.  Pretty much everyone is new.  Often times it is nice and exciting.  Potential new friends await all over the place.

I have a friendly face and people seem comfortable walking up to me and striking up a conversation.  It seems it almost always starts the same.  A person approaches me and tentatively asks "Where are you from?"  They don't start with "hello" or a comment about the weather.  It doesn't come up mid-conversation.  The question is their opener.  It is a question that puts me on edge.  To me it is saying "I noticed you don't belong here.  Where do you belong?"  Or even "You obviously aren't one of us.  Who do you belong to?" 

I really want to believe this is not what they mean.  But it still makes me tense up and turn cold.  When the question is asked even two or three sentences into the conversation, I don't take it the same way.  I don't have a problem telling people where I am from.  It is a part of who I am.  But let's warm up to it first.

Similarly, the word "gaijin" in Japanese means foreigner.  But it actually means so much more.  It actually means "one who doesn't belong" or outsider.  It is an offensive and hurtful term.  Luckily, I haven't been called that in a very long time, but it is common to hear and it is never nice.

Today I was sitting with my son when a woman came and sat near us.  She smiled at my son for a bit and then suddenly asked me "Where are you from?"  My whole body tensed up and I said "Hikarigaoka."  Of course, then she started speaking to me in Japanese.  So, I guess that was not a good response because it immediately makes me more of an outsider.  Eventually it came to light that she teaches Japanese lessons to foreigners and was wanting to offer her services.  I really wanted to tell her maybe she should reconsider her opener, as it can be off--putting.  (I never fully warmed up to her, in part, I think due to the start of the conversation.)

People would ask my husband this question all the time in the US.  After many years, he got really frustrated and would sometimes say "I'm from my mother's uterus.  Where are you from?"  I remember once instance that was particularly offensive where a man at a gas station was trying to guess where he was from.  My husband hadn't even said a word.  He was just standing there pumping gas when this man decided he was an outsider.

There are days that this bothers me more than others.  I know I am not Japanese.  I never will be.  But today, I just didn't need to it to be pointed out.