He was an honorable man

Christmas Day has come again. My third Christmas in Japan. It is still something I’m getting used to, as it is celebrated so differently here. Decorations have been up since the beginning of November. Music featuring Santa and being with loved ones plays in the background of every shop I have been in for 2 months. Lights adorn buildings and trees are on display in shops and plazas. And children wearing Santa outfits are a common sight. But when the actual day arrives, it seems like it is just another day. Most people enjoyed their KFC and Christmas cake on Christmas Eve. Today, they headed to work or school like it was any other day.

I have such fond memories of sitting in the living room in pajamas, opening presents and then getting to play with our new toys until relatives came over to our house or we headed to our grandparents house for our big holiday meal.

My son will remember opening one gift from Santa and then heading off to school.

Every year, I feel an underlying sadness as I try to balance the realities of his Christmas experience with the fantasies I had created when I imagined the memories we would create as the years went by.

This year, my heart is extra heavy as I cope with the sudden loss of my last grandparent. At 41, I am much older than most people are when their grandparents pass on. I know how lucky I am to have had him in my life for as long as I did. I am so grateful for all the years we had together.

At 96, he lived a long and interesting life.  He was born in Oregon and lived there his whole life.  He was in the navy in WWII and then worked as an engineer at a telecommunications company.  He got married and had 4 children, who later gave him 8 grandchildren.  After retirement, he traveled around the US with his wife in an RV, visiting friends and family throughout their travels.  He was an active member of his church.  He was a talented woodworker, building many things over the years, including the house my mom was raised in.

I have many fond memories of spending Christmas and other holidays at his house. My grandpa and grandma always had lovely gatherings of people either at their home or at the clubhouse in their neighborhood. They always hung a collection of felt ornaments on their tree that my grandpa made sure to mention my grandma had made herself. My grandpa tended to be quiet, but at these parties he’d talk endlessly. It was here that I learned that grandpa didn’t just dole out his antidotes, he enjoyed conversations, not lectures. As I aged, I learned to ask him questions to engage him in conversation. I respected his insight and loved hearing about his life experiences.

There were also times where I was a bit nervous to hear his thoughts on a topic. When I got engaged to my husband, I was scared to tell my grandfather. He was on the USS Nevada battleship on December 7, 1941, better known as the day Pearl Harbor was attacked. The ship beached that day, and my grandfather survived, but it was something that he did not talk about for most of my life. When I was in high school, my aunt finally got him talking about it. Although he had never said anything negative about Japanese people, I wasn't sure if he would he bless a marriage between myself and a Japanese man. I honestly didn’t know. So, I wrote him (and my grandmother) a letter, telling them of my plans. The next time I talked to them, he gave me heartfelt congratulations and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

Weeks later, my mom attended a ship reunion with my grandpa. While there, she overheard my grandfather tell another soldier “who would have guessed that 60 years after Pearl Harbor, I would be welcoming a Japanese man into our family? But I am. And I think it is great.” I didn’t know what his reaction would be and was too nervous to ask, assuming that he’d have a hard time with it. I should have just given him the benefit of the doubt. 

From the first moment he met my husband, the two of them shared a special relationship. We would spend weekends with my grandparents at their house a couple times a year. The weekend would be spent playing games and chatting. We would talk about anything and everything. I loved hearing about my grandfather growing up in Oregon, his romance with my grandma, and tales of parenting my mom as a young child. Sometimes I would take my grandma to do errands, and my husband would always stay behind to keep grandpa company. 

One night, after dinner, my husband said to my grandfather “I know what I’ve been taught about Pearl Harbor, but can you tell me about your experience?” My grandma and I looked at each other and held our breath. But grandpa just started talking. Before we knew it, the guys were in grandpa’s office for a couple hours as grandpa talked and showed things to my husband. It was an amazing dialogue that took place that night.

I will miss hearing his stories. In his later years, he suffered from Alzheimer’s and often told the same story over and over, but I didn’t care. I liked listening to them, especially the ones about the early years of his marriage to my grandma. I could listen to stories about camping in the back of pickup trucks and going on dates and building their family home on repeat. I even enjoyed hearing about his work on battleships in the Navy, on the railroad after returning from war, and later at Pacific Northwest Bell (the telecommunications company).

Losing a loved one is never easy, especially when you are living abroad, away from most of your loved ones. It can be very isolating as you struggle to cope with the pain, sorrow, and grief. I cannot go to his house and touch his things and reminisce and hug other people who loved him too. Instead, I am left with the memories of time spent together - cutting back the wisteria on the front of his house, cooking in his kitchen as we nursed my grandma back to health, and watching him shoot the breeze with friends and family at holiday gatherings.

This Christmas is especially weird for most people around the world, with families not able to gather. But there are still ways to connect without visits. A phone call or a letter can convey a message of love. You never know just how much that message means, until you aren’t able to share it anymore.

Shop til you drop

We have been without a shopping center since July. While we still had several local grocery stores to choose from, it was still an inconvenience to be without an easily accessible array of shops. I have had to travel further to purchase things, like replacing the bowls that I broke and new clothes for my son because he refuses to stop growing. The store I missed the most was the import store, which carries many food items that are hard to find other places.

After months of waiting, lots of peeking and wondering, as well as heaps of anticipation, the Hikarigaoka IMA shopping center reopened. My husband was gifted preview tickets by a friend, giving us early access to the 4 floors of refurbished real estate. I was very grateful for this special experience, otherwise I would have waited an entire week after opening to go because, although I was super excited for the shopping center to open, I wasn’t going to deal with the crowds.

With the preview tickets, only 200 people were allowed into the building every 30 minutes. To our delight, we were in the very first group, meaning there was hardly anyone in the building (after we waited in a short line to get inside)! 

We immediately headed for the basement, where food stalls live. Some shops had left, others moved, and there were several new places for us to try below ground. As we wandered up and down the aisles, we took note of the many changes. Our first stop was at the chicken counter to order a whole chicken for Christmas dinner. I typically roast a whole chicken for holidays here, but since they are rarely found in regular grocery stores, we just had chicken thighs at Thanksgiving.

We were excited to learn that not only did my much relied upon import store move to a bigger space, a second import store moved into the basement as well. In Seattle, we know Kinokuniya as a bookstore, but here it is an import store offering all kinds of special treats for foreigners and locals alike.

Upstairs we found a variety of both old and new. There were new clothing and housewares shops. We were pleased to find our much appreciated family owned stationary store and my favorite dish shop. My husband was most excited to see the entire 4th floor was redone to house a food court - something much needed in his opinion.

There are several new restaurants as well, which I think we desperately needed. I’m excited to try them out. All in good time.

There are still several areas that have not opened up yet. So, we still have lots to look forward to, including a Starbucks! While I may only drink 10 or so Starbucks beverages a year, it is a place of comfort for me. It always has been. When I lived in Osaka many, many years ago, I would travel almost an hour each way to sit in a Starbucks and have a mental break from the exhaustion of living abroad. It was my escape. But I’ve never had one close to me here (whereas in Seattle, I don’t think I’ve ever lived less than half a mile from one). I hope it will have comfy chairs that I can read in while sipping my beverage of choice.

Since it has reopened, it has been so nice knowing that most of what I need is ready for me over at IMA. I don’t have to bike 20 minutes or longer to go to a big shopping center. Now, if only we could get a bookstore that sold English books in the neighborhood... I’d be set.

Don’t hurt your back

As I sit down to write my blog each week, I assess what was exciting, entertaining, or interesting during the past week. Over the course of this past year, I have relied on weekend entertainment, as weekdays consist mainly of cooking, cleaning, and watching Netflix. I am trying to stick close to home, which means there is a lot of redundancy in my life right now.

Three mornings a week, I have regularly scheduled phone dates with loved ones. I am meeting a girlfriend in the park once a week to exchange language lessons - half an hour dedicated to her English writing skills and half an hour dedicated to teaching me important kanji (which has been SO HELPFUL). Otherwise, I’m left to my own devices to find something to do.

The weekends bring a wealth of possibilities. Not because we are traveling places, but because my family is together and we have time to do whatever we want. We have always been the people with lots on our schedule. We like to explore and do interesting things. My husband is great at researching things to do. He looks at community bulletin boards, local newspapers, and websites to find out what is going on in the area. If something sounds interesting, he puts it in our calendar. It is as easy as that. If there are multiple things listed on that day, we can choose from those activities. We don’t have to do anything if we don’t feel like it, but it is nice to have options.

Sometimes this means we do “weird” things. I have reported on many of these random activities on this blog. But it is always in the spirit of having fun together. I often wonder what my son will say about his upbringing as an adult... hopefully something like “We used to do the weirdest things, but it was always fun!”

This past weekend, we participated in a Nerima tradition - a daikon pulling contest. All the daikon harvesting over the last month or so has helped us learn techniques in pulling this long radish. Don’t wiggle it too much, or you can break it. Hold it close to the ground, not up by the greens. Pull straight up. Use your legs, not your back.

We were out of the house by 8 am to bike over to the farm in Oizumi (about a 45 minute ride from our house) where the race was being held. We made sure to have all our paperwork, as this is a very popular contest that requires pre-registration. I heard it “sells out” on the first day every year.

I was impressed with the set up of tents, registration tables, and even portable toilets for the event. But after 14 years, the organizers really know what they are doing. Due to COVID, our temperatures were taken as we entered the field. Then we walked up to the registration table. After giving them our paperwork, we were handed a bib with a number, different paperwork, and a bag (which was a gift).

A small section of the field was roped off for kids to practice pulling daikon. We let our son try by himself, but it’s still pretty challenging. Nerima daikon (the variety we were pulling that day) can be over 1 meter long (3.3 feet). He’s not too much taller than that! It was a good activity for him, since many of the daikon from that day were being donated to the elementary schools for their lunches on Monday.

After he was done practicing, we stood around and waited for the event to begin. The Mayor of Nerima gave a short speech and then someone else walked the audience through a series of warm up exercises. While doing the stretches, I suddenly had a flashback to an episode of 20/20 from when I was a teenager (25+ years ago) where they were discussing Japanese company employees doing stretching exercises every day. These are known as taiso (tie-so) and are still popular today. School children do the routine daily. Anytime the taiso music is played, Japanese people automatically start doing the short routine as a Pavlovian response. But this one was a bit different, special for stretching backs and legs so no one would get injured while pulling.

It was time for everyone to line up based on their bib numbers. We were registered for the size contest, not the speed. A staff member instructed us to pull up to 10 daikon within a certain area (we could pick which ones) in 2 minutes. We let our son pick them and give them a little wiggle, then either my husband or I pulled it in quick succession.

After pulling our 10, we found the longest one and the heaviest, and took those to the recording table. Our longest daikon was 78 cm (31 inches) long. And the heaviest one was 4.1 kg (9 lbs). Neither of these broke any records, but it was fun participating regardless.

In another area, there was the speed race - how many daikon can a single person pull within a certain amount of time. Some of those people were so fast! Most were just having fun. Regardless, it was fun to watch.

As we departed, we handed in our bibs and they gave us 4 daikon as a parting gift. Although I have been getting really good at cooking dishes featuring daikon, we re-gifted 3 of the huge radishes to friends.

It was definitely a unique experience to participate in a daikon pulling contest. But it was also a lot of fun.


*********************


Another daikon recipe my family really enjoyed...

Simmered Daikon with Pork

Ingredients
1/2 daikon, peeled and cut into large chunks (2 inch wedges)
100g (1/4lb) thinly sliced pork
3 tbsp soy sauce
4 tbsp sake
1 tbsp oil
3-5 green onions, cut into 2 inch lengths
1 knob ginger
1 tbsp mirin

Directions

1. Soak the pork in soy sauce and sake for 10 minutes. (I usually do this while I am preparing the vegetables.)
2. Heat a large skillet to medium, with the oil in the pan. Cook the meat until browned.
3. Add the green onion and ginger. Cook for 1 minute.
4. Add the daikon. Cover and simmer until the radish is transparent and can be easily pierced with a fork.
5. Toss in the leftover marinade and simmer over medium heat.
6. Sprinkle with mirin, coating the daikon and meat.
7. Serve.

A day in the city

It feels like it has been forever since we hopped on the train and headed downtown for some fun in the city. If memory serves correctly, we haven’t been downtown since at least March! But after postponing going to the dentist, it was time to be brave and go into the crowded streets of downtown.

Since all three of us cancelled our appointments in July, we all needed a cleaning. Luckily, I was able to schedule our appointments for noon on a Saturday, which meant we didn’t need to get onto the train until 11am, missing the morning rush. Even on the weekends, there are peak hours, of which I had no desire to encounter.

As we walked from the train station to the dentist office, I felt a little weird. Even though we go out and about in Hikarigaoka, I’m not used to being around very many people anymore. It reminded me of when we first moved here and I had to get used to being in crowds. Since masks are a norm here, it didn’t feel any different than a regular winter day, with crowds of people milling around adorned in sweaters, jackets, and masks. Perhaps the number of people was less than usual, but it’s been so long, I really couldn’t tell.

Our dentist visit went smoothly. We started the appointment by rinsing our mouths with disinfectant (basically Listerine), but everything else was pretty standard.  The staff never removed their masks and they wore either regular glasses or eye protection.  I noticed the large window in my exam room was open. Luckily it wasn’t too cold on Saturday. The schools are also keeping windows open at all times, which at this point isn’t a big deal for the kids. But I’m sure it will get more difficult as the temperatures continue to drop.

Once we wrapped up our dentist visit, we headed back outside to explore the city. It would have been a shame to go all that way and head right back. We know that we won’t be seeing very many holiday lights this year, which dampens the holiday cheer for us. So, we took this opportunity to stay and see some.

Before the sun set, we mostly just wandered around, doing nothing in particular. We knew there were some Christmas trees at Roppongi Hills, as well as the German Christmas Market. I was able to buy some of my beloved lebkuchen (a German Christmas cookie that I treat myself to once a year). My son found a Christmas ornament that he wanted to buy for his tiny tree that sits on top of our shelves in the living room. My husband treated himself to a root beer with lunch, which is a very hard to find item in Japan (I’ve heard it smells like a pain relief compress to most Japanese people, so it’s not popular at all).

FujiFilm Square had an amazing exhibit with photos of space taken by the Hubble Telescope. I love that little gallery, as it always has amazing photos on display.  Plus it is free, which is not usually the case in Tokyo.

It is getting dark here around 4:30 pm these days, which meant we didn’t have to stay late to enjoy holiday lights. We stood outside Roppongi Midtown at 5 pm to watch as their lights lit up for the first time that night. We found a small area where there were “light stones”. There were maybe 15 round discs laying in the grass, which children were hopping from one to another, expelling pent up energy. Right at 5, the stones lit up and changed colors with every stomp. By this point, there were exactly 15 kids there and instead of hopping from one to the next, they just stayed on a single disc and danced around to make it change colors. Although Christmas music was playing in the background, the most joyful sound was that of the children laughing as they made the discs flash green, pink, and blue.

We also enjoyed their life-sized snow globe, which kept changing colors. Roppongi Midtown did not include a huge lightshow this year, instead opting for a skating rink.

We didn’t stay long, as the crowds were getting thicker. Instead we grabbed a quick bite for dinner and headed home. We were exhausted! It’s so easy to forget how taxing the city is. I walked further that day than I had since February (according to my steps tracker on my phone). We might bicycle far, but we haven’t just wandered for a very long time. Regardless of how tired we were, I’m glad we stayed for the lights. They bring a certain feeling of magic that is such a treat this time of year.