A gentle reminder

I was talking with a friend the other day about how I am struggling with living a temporary existence.  There are many things I would be doing "if I was in Seattle" or "if I was going to be here longer" and so forth.  For me, living in Japan has always been something temporary.  I do not plan to live here for the rest of my life.  When I agreed to move to Japan, I agreed that we would come for 2 years and then we would discuss what our next steps would be.  At some point over the past 19 months, I realized that putting a temporary sticker on everything is making me feel unsettled.  I'm constantly looking forward or backwards and not at the present. 

She looked at me and said "You need to live in the moment.  You are here.  Make this your home.  When you are no longer here, you will make that place your home.  Don't live as if you will leave tomorrow because you don't know what tomorrow will bring.  Find joy in the today."

I think most people assume I already live for today because of how much I see and do and explore.  But when I am at my house late at night, I don't have that sense of permanence that allows me to feel at home.  On a daily basis, I feel like I am an outsider and it is not okay.

Her words have really resonated with me.  I have not been able to stop thinking about them. 

I haven't figured out how to settle into my present and enjoy the place I currently am just yet.  But since it is on the forefront of my mind, I will begin to chip away at it.

For example, last year, I didn't buy plants for my little rock garden.  I didn't want to invest in a whole bunch of pots that I would have to get rid of in just 2 short years.  This year I have gone ahead and bought the flowers and pots because I know that being surrounded by growing things makes me happy.  It is a bit mishmash, but it gives me some comfort and it is something I do to make my house my home. 

Now I'm looking for next steps.