Elementary, junior high, and high school kids are responsible for keeping schools clean in Japan. At the end of each day, the kids take turn wiping down blackboards and windows, as well as sweeping and mopping the floors in the classrooms and hallways. Kindergarteners help to put everything away, but don't clean like the older kids do. Kindergartens are the only schools with custodial staff. But even then, the custodians don't do everything - teachers and parents are required to help out regularly. Many schools have a maintenance person on staff. Their job is to fix things, not clean things.
Since it poured yesterday, the pool cleaning was rescheduled for today. However, the parents of the first year students already had a commitment. So, the parents of the second year students cleaned without the help of the other parents. They scrubbed the pool deck, shower area, and all the outdoor sinks in preparation for the students to enjoy swimming time in the school pool. It only took a half hour, since they all worked together and everyone pitched in eagerly.
While they scrubbed, the parents of first year students were observing their kids in the classroom. We watched our kids sing a song. Then we danced with them for a bit. The teacher read the kids a book and they sang another song.
My son was so excited to have me come to his classroom for a short time today. I was happy to see him in his school. But as I watched him, I started thinking about how much time I spend either at his school or doing things for his school and so forth. Even though most people see my son as gone at school for just over 5 hours most days, they don't see all the work that I do in support of his schooling.
I make his lunch (which must be homemade) four days a week. I do all the laundry, including scrubbing indoor shoes and washing his uniform and hand towel every week. There are lots of meetings - from meetings with teachers and principal to presentations from experts. There is something pretty much every other week. Then there are various parent participation days that include going on trips to the park and spending Saturday at the school for special activities with your kid. Parents have already been expected to attend a lunch observation and now a classroom time observation.
When you add it all up, a person realizes that kindergarten is a huge commitment in Japan. There is no such thing as dropping your kid off and having guaranteed personal time. Before signing my son up for public yochien (kindergarten), I read that it required a lot of parental commitment. But I thought that meant PTA. I didn't realize the full scope of expectations that I'm now seeing.
I am not complaining. I love being an active member in my son's schooling. However, it is really hard to maintain a schedule with the random requirements. Yochien really is set up for a child with a stay-at-home parent. I couldn't even fathom working and trying to juggle all the requirements.
There is another type of kindergarten called hoikuen that is for kids with working parents and doesn't have as many time requirements that yochien has.
In Japan, moms are expected to give their entire life to their children. Husbands often are away from the home 12+ hours a day at work. It is common for dads to never participate in parenting tasks or decisions. It isn't unheard of for a dad to not have any sort of relationship with their kids other than living in the same house. When my husband takes our son out for a Saturday afternoon at the park without me or he takes swimming lessons with our son to give me some personal time, other moms are shocked. I have even been asked "are you sure he is Japanese?"
While I think my son is the best thing in the entire world and I can't imagine life without him, I also know that I'm a better mom for taking time for myself at times. If I don't recharge my batteries via spending time with my friends, doing things that interest me, and finding some alone time to have a moment of quiet, I cannot be the best mom I can be. These needs are rarely filled for most Japanese moms. I honestly don't know how they do it. When I'm stretched beyond my capacity, I am short tempered and not fun to be around. And I am definitely not the mom I aim to be.
While most of the time I enjoy participating at my son's school, some days it feels taxing. I can only imagine what it is like for the parents doing it by themselves. In the US, I often felt that the school requirements were a choice (and they definitely weren't as much or as often). In Japan, they really aren't. If you want to get out of cleaning the pool, you have to be pregnant or be defiant.
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