Homesick

Being homesick is never a pretty picture.  I define it as when a person is tired of everything being "new" and "different" and yearns for the familiar.  This morning, I was hit with it hard.  The last few days have been a struggle, but today...  I couldn't hold it inside and I broke down.  My son tells me quite often that he misses America.  He lists everything he misses.  It is usually people or our home or his school or our pets.  I get a little lump in my throat when he goes down his list, as many of them are on my list too.  Yesterday, he told me he misses Costco.  I totally get that.  I also miss Trader Joes and PCC.  It may sound silly to some people that we miss our grocery stores, but there is nothing quite like them here.

But the people...  My body physically aches for them.  I yearn to hug those that I love and then sit and talk for hours about nothing in particular.  I want to cook with friends, and get pedicures, and work in the garden together.  I want our children to play at the park together while we chat about parenthood and life. 

Living in a time with Facebook is really deceiving.  I may only post photos of the happy and fun times, it doesn't mean that everything is spectacular all the time.  The photos and comments are just what I choose to share - the stuff that makes everyone smile.

I wanted to curl up in a ball and stay in bed all day today.  However, my son was not having any of that.  He jumped on me until I got up and then encouraged me to do my morning routine.  He knew today was a Piyo Piyo day.  He wanted to get outside as quickly as possible.    So, after breakfast and a quick Skype with a friend, we headed out to Piyo Piyo.

As soon as we arrived, he headed into the big pile of leaves they had created to throw leaves and roll around.  Then he headed to the sand pit where he pulled a bucket of water over and started making "rice coffee" for people to try.  I sat back on a bench.  The weight of homesickness feeling like a ton of bricks on my shoulders and heart.  Although I was enjoying watching him, I just couldn't join in the fun.  Suddenly, a mom I had cooked with last week (I volunteered to help make the soup and tend the fire) came and sat down next to me.  We started chatting despite our limited vocabulary in the other's language and I slowly started to perk up.

She kindly invited me to join the other moms, and I suddenly was surrounded by moms asking me questions and saying "let's practice our English!"  We had a good time getting to know each other over the course of the morning.  I had met some of them before, but never really talked with any of them in length.  Before long, they invited my son and me to stay in the park after Piyo Piyo so the kids could continue to play and we could continue to talk.  I was happy to join them and my son was ecstatic.  Several of the kids are his age and will attend the same preschool as him starting in April. 

The kids quickly took off on their bikes, exploring the area and then stopping to discuss the different parts of the bikes.  The moms sat on tarp-like sheets and chatted while cutting up fruit for the kids and themselves.  We talked about gardening and kindergarten and preferring to be outdoors.  One of the moms, who I had chatted with before, asked me if I knew about a store nearby that sold organic produce for really low prices.  I had not heard of this store, and she asked if I wanted to go with her.  I eagerly accepted the offer.  Organic produce is pretty hard to find in Japan and when you do find it it is very expensive.  So, I was curious to go to this shop.

The shop was very small, but had a great selection of items and, like she said, very low prices.  I bought a huge bag of produce that I can use throughout the week.

By the end of the day, I realized that most of my despair of the morning had dissipated.  Being able to hang out with like-minded moms, spending 6 hours in the sunshine, and buying lots of organic fruit and vegetables all helped in making me feel less homesick. 

I know I will have these days.  They are hard, and even harder with a child because I cannot succumb to them.  Instead, I must pick myself up and continue on.  The way any parent does when having a rough day.